I always knew Mark had a warrior inside him. As a young man, he was very active in medieval reenactment, we have a sword collection scattered all over the house, but recently, he took an active role in home defence, and I must admit I underestimated how ferocious he is.
It all started with a fly-killer tennis racket zapper. A very straightforward piece of equipment, you swing at a bug whilst pressing the button, zap it, and you can have a good night’s sleep.
Not this time. This was war! Mark went from mild-mannered father to crazed death merchant as he sought out, any hint of flying monsters, (except bees, they are under my protection, and even this ferocious warrior fears his queen’s wrath).
For the last two hours, my writing has been interrupted by the sounds of battle from upstairs, followed by the exclamations of victory like, “I’ve got you motherfucker,’ or ‘Don’t you think you can get away from me, you flying menace,’ followed by Mark coming down, no matter if I’m writing a heartwrenching chapter or creating an important TikTok post, I have to listen how large his enemy was, how they failed to escape his wrath or how many times it took to zap them good.
The last incident beat them all. Mark brought down a particularly big, black fly, presenting his prey to me like a good hunter with a detailed description of the chase and like the good woman I am, I accepted his offering, proffering praiseworthy of my God of War.
The moral of the story is this; every married or partnered woman should buy their other half a tennis racket bug zapper. It not only makes them happy but also awakens their inner barbarian, no matter how well hidden in the core of their soul. – you will thank me for this in the morning 😉