The perils of late night TV and soft furniture

In UK we have a program called Naked Attraction. It is a trashy cattle-market type of programme, where people present themselves naked for the potential date and are chosen based on their physique.

It is entertaining, but because it has a lot of penises and vaginas, it is a late night program. We occasionally watch it mainly to see if the contestant has the nerve to reject not so perfect bodies or if they will wait till the end to not be seen as shallow, but except for the slight brain-bleaching entertainment value, there is nothing much to it.

Yesterday, together with Mark’s teenage daughter, we watched The Last of Us; she was sitting on the plush swivel chair while we were on the sofa and she somehow disappeared between the cushions. I thought she went to her bedroom after the program finished, and as the Naked Attraction started almost right after and none of us cared enough to change the channel, we let it run in the background, sharing very adult jokes about contestants’ bodies.

The little brat sat quietly, barely breathing, and in the dark room she was simply invisible till I said it out loud, pointing at the handsome man’s junk.

‘Look Mark , this one looks just like yours.’

The snorting laugh made us painfully aware that I just give a teenager visual description of her maker and if that was not creepy enough, she insisted on sitting with us and watch till the end.

As we are trying to teach her about body positivity, there was no way we could kick her out of the living room without sounding like she caught us watching something dirty. So the three of us sat there watching swinging dicks.

This family is a lost cause, I tell you.

Spring Blight – Cover reveal

“Chaos and the wicked soul know no rest.” (Old folk proverb)

Ina has no time to enjoy domestic life with Mar. As soon as life settles down after the Winter War, King Rewan calls his Royal Witch to give her a new task.

Southern rebellion, crops dying, and an endless stream of assassins attacking the king, leaving a trail that backs to a neighbouring kingdom. To make matters worse, an ancient cult has emerged from the shadows offering sacrifices to Winter’s Death.

One fateful letter and Ina is back on the road with an unlikely companion. But what can one Chaos mage do against so many enemies and the power of the Old Gods?

Psychoanalysis of the book choice.

I share a kindle account with Mark, my co-writer and partner. We have similar tastes in general with only a few deviations. He is more into dystopian sci-fi/fantasy, whilst I’m more into fantasy and historical romances, but overall we read the same books and often discuss them.

He asked me yesterday why there are so many “abducted by aliens” smut books in our library and I answered that I enjoy their brain bleaching content. The plot is very much the same; the girl gets abducted and tries to make the best of the situation. There are various shades of rainbow coloured aliens with chiselled bodies, massive cocks, fur, scales and tails/horns that can “impale” their personalities often gruff or domineering but still generally very nice despite their scary appearance and they fall in love with each other. Sometimes it is one alien, sometimes a few, but there is a happy ending and they cherish their fated mate. The plot framework is the same every single time with a very predictable ending. So as you guessed, I’m not reading it for the plot or character ARC. 😎🍆

Still, I enjoy it and they are the perfect books for my current mood. Mark’s question made me wonder what influenced my choice, and the answer was pretty simple – with Mark being pretty much immobile after breaking his ribs, the pressures of being a doctor in the Emergency Room, the writing career and the recent trouble with my teenage step-daughter, it was good to immerse myself in a world where nothing surprises you and big burly men take care of all a girl’s problems.

Most likely, in any other circumstances, I would just flip the pages and not bother to leave a review (I’m not wasting my time leaving less than 3 stars – I leave a good review or no review at all, that is my personal preference).

Still, in my current mood, those books give me what I need; an escape from the daily struggles and I slapped them all with 5 stars. I don’t think the book has to be a masterpiece, but if it gives the reader what they need, then it is perfect and as such, the book deserves 5 stars.

I’m curious about your book choices and the story behind them. Oh and if you need any recommendations for good alien smut, then I’m your girl.

FaRoFeb and Winter Dragon – FREE BOOKS

8th of February only – FREE books on Amazon Worldwide

(click on the picture)

I am grounded

I’m writing to you from the confinement of my bedroom while my family have fun downstairs. I don’t know what I did wrong. Maybe I cook or clean too much? I’m not allowed down, so I’m sitting in bed, shrouded in my solitude. Even cats abandoned me, lured by the sound of an open can.

I can hear my family cooking something, and whilst I would like to help, I’m not allowed. It looks like they didn’t find me worthy to prepare pancake mix with them. My stepdaughter valiantly fights with the mountain of poo, cats tend to depose after the night’s rest. I know because I can hear her struggling and cursing

‘how does such a small assess can make so much shit?’

The scent of coffee teases my nostrils. I hope they will show me mercy and bring it soon as I’m starving. My stomach is rumbling, but I don’t dare to defy my master, who leaned over me today and caressed my face with his large calloused hands ordered.

‘Don’t you dare to get out of the bloody bed. You need to rest.’

I’m doomed, so doomed. Cut off my laptop, my lifeline to write the books. I can’t even check the grammar when I’m writing this slowly, punching into the tablet keyboard. All I have is alien smut books, and hope they will eventually feed me…

Send your prayers.

High as a kite 🤣

Guess what happened?

Mar in his infinite wisdom cleaned the teenager room than carrying a lot of cups and glasses not seeing where he was going he slipped on the stairs and instead of dropping the load and save himself he somersaulted full flight down.

To make our life even more interesting, he drove himself to ED where I was on the shift and looking like a “death on the flag” fell out of the car and I had to wheel him into my ED.
I thought he punctured his lungs but no, 4 broken ribs after and high as a kite on morphine, he was going to be admitted to the surgical ward.

Not that he could make any coherent sentence, but he protested so vigorously that now I have him at home with one task – to speed edit Spring Blight.

After all, sick leave doesn’t mean not working at all. His hands and brain are still fine. 🤣

And cover for Spring Blight will look like this – Reveal with Giveaway on 17th of February.

The magical aquarium

The story started when we changed internet provider and with this we had to reset all of our smart plugs.

Our aquarium lights were one of them, but being too lazy and after setting too many switches, I left it for a later date in the meantime manually switching the light on and off.

Here comes the catch. Our aquarium maybe not look that pristine, more like a natural pond but the fishes are breeding like crazy, plants are growing nicely and water is in superb quality. Somehow environment naturally regulate itself. Still when we introduced shrimps and snails after few days they all of them disappeared and I thought maybe fish ate them or they died from relocation shock. Imagine my confusion when in the morning I switch on the aquarium lights and noticed a helluva lot of baby snails all over the glass, shrimps eating plants and all behaving like this was one massive party with “oh shit” moment when landlord switched on the lights.

I called Mark to come and see it but before he dragged his sleepy bum to the office – PUFF! – and they were all gone.

So I keep buying more snails and shrimps to keep the aquarium healthy and those cheeky fuckers simply hidden somewhere welcoming new colleagues. I mean the audacity of the aquatic life. Outrageous!

To me to you and a bit of paranoia

Last week wasn’t kind to us. First, I caught tonsillitis then Mark started coughing, and we passed the infections to each other, leaving us both feeling incredibly miserable. This, of course, affected our work and the release schedule so we are now so far behind I am worried we may not achieve the April release date

The good news is that we have a cover for Spring Blight and it is gorgeous. Well, we actually have two and I will let our ARC team decide which is better while we furiously try to finish the edits and make the book available for our beta readers.

On a more amusing note, I have been taking perverse pleasure from watching the weird shit about prince Harry’s book. From a doctor’s perspective, I would be concerned the patient was displaying paranoid disorder  if someone came to my ED spewing stories how everybody is trying to get him. In fact, one question we ask when someone has paranoid delusion is, and bear in mind, I am paraphrasing the question we use professionally but, what we ask is: ‘Did the lady in the telly tell you to do it?’

 I’m assuming a wealthy person with therapists would have this diagnosed and treated rather than allow themselves to go full guns blazing in the public arena. So I’m watching this train wreck wondering where it would end occasionally laughing from stories of frostbitten appendages and singing with the seals.

Although I can’t fully condone singing to the seals as when I was 12 years old and thought maybe I was so special that I have magical powers I was howling to the moon … yup, teenage madness gets everyone.

So I’m going back to my edits and I hope you, my friends have a lovely Sunday.

Spring Blight – snippet

The women turn as if on command to face a group of scruffy individuals looking at them with interest. For obvious reasons, their gaze lingered on Velka as Ina prepared for the journey and wore practical clothes. At the same time, Velka came straight from the palace and all of her projected wealth and refinement. Still, trying to apprehend the mage was borderline stupid, even as gentle and well-mannered as a nature mage.

‘And who are you?’ Ina asked, moving forward in front of her friend. She didn’t realise when her hand lingered on the sword handle.

‘Oh, look, the mage brought the bodyguard with her.’

‘Aren’t you too small for a guardian, sweety?’

The roar of laughter shook the forest when the men mocked her.

‘Maybe she is feisty in bed.’

‘Look at her tits,’

‘drop this toy, and we will show you how to be a woman.’

The boasting continued, and all except one man circled them, expecting the easy prey. Ina felt Velka’s hand on her shoulder, and her soft voice, saturated with amusement, filled the air.

‘I think we met Gods stupidest creations. Do you know who you are talking to?’ Her carelessness seemed to disconcert them, but only for a moment. The leader stepped forward and pulled his axe.

‘I don’t care, you coming with us. Your family will pay a hefty price for their precious mage, and this one will fetch us some money. Madron brothel always looks for fresh faces.’ His smirk, so full of pride, made women look at each other and burst into laughter. When Ina contained herself, she pulled the falchion sword Mar ordered to make for her and took a stance.

‘Well, come and get those titties, big boy.’ She said with a bright smile. The blind fate gave her a perfect opportunity to test herself in the actual fight before she stepped into a lion’s maw, this time without Mar or Ren guarding her every step. Ina didn’t want to resort to siphoning Chaos from death and destruction, reserving the ultimate measures in case things went wrong, but her own and peridot’s reserves should be enough for this little skirmish if she decided to call to her magic. Poor bastards, they don’t know what came for them. She thought with a hint of pity, soon replaced by a shiver of appreciation.

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