I’m going berserk, an attempt of book theft.

This week was an awkward one so far. First, I’m getting anxiously excited about the book release. Typesetting is beautiful, the line art I ordered for Autumn Chaos coming along so nicely, and pre-orders are coming in slowly but steadily. All seems in motion and are in place, and I thought I could relax during my holiday in Poland, but it all seems to be somewhat tightened up, and the less I have to do during those last 3 weeks, the more I feel like I missed something important.

So I organised a pre-launch giveaway because why not? It can spread awareness, and I’m testing the waters before going all guns blazing during the release date. Join and share on social media if you wish, and I will be very grateful.

That’s for the cheerful news

On the annoying note, during the blind search (throw the stone, who doesn’t google your name once or twice😋), I found out two websites are pirating our book A Little Accident, which so pisses me off. It is just 4 months on the market, and if I wish to give it for free to my subscribers, it is up to me, but someone profiting from the “subscribe to our website and read for free” scheme made me furious.

My inner berserk sprang to action. I spent the whole yesterday reporting them for copyright infringement too, I think, all over the world and any authority I could find. The only positive thing I was in the excellent company of authors I admire, so … it was a kind of compliment, no?

Today I’m back to writing as it messed up my word count for the third book, which triggered my writer’s OCD. Oh, and keep an eye on the Sunday post. I will show you one of the artworks. It is so bold and made me smile.

Fix what’s not broken(I’m EPIC) 🤣

To be an indie author means learning a lot of new skills. For example, nowadays, you must have a website. Without knowledge or any kind of training, I built our website from scratch (nope; I did not code it, just put things together on WordPress), but still, it works reasonably well.

Until Friday, when I noticed the image loading was a bit slow during the routine maintenance, I reloaded it and turned up AMP settings. On the desktop, it looked brilliant, but in any android settings, it was a disaster. Most people accessed the website from their phones, so I needed to fix it, and that’s how I spent the last two days. Redoing the whole front page—TWICE.

The language I used when elements didn’t want to fit as planned could be easily heard in any garage when the mechanic hit this thumb with a hammer. And finally, Mark decided to help and while he was Googling the “fix AMP settings” looking for a solution, I decided I had enough and …

TURNED IT ON AND OFF

The damned thing fixed itself. I don’t know how and I’m unsure if I want to know. Mark almost died laughing, especially when I yelled at him; he is the bloody engineer and should tell me to turn it on and off.

Long story short, it’s working now, and we have a brand new home page.

Oh, and we have a pre-launch giveaway. If you sign yourself, you can win £25. Link here: GIVEAWAY

I’m melting, not just from heat

Cornwall is not the best place to live today. The weather is hot and humid and despite the sky being overcast, both Mark and I are laying on the couch like overheated dogs. That worries me because I just sent the book for formatting and I have this “did I lock the door” feeling.

You must know it, you walk out of the house, lock the doors, walk half way where you want to and question yourself if you really locked the doors. With my today mushy state of mind, despite checking manuscript several times, I still have this feeling I may overlook some double lines or silly mistakes. It is just bonkers.

Anyway, plans for the evening are cold shower and movie night with Mark and it looks like we will be watching things hot, wet and naked, not necessary for the right reasons. 🤣

But before your imagination drifts in uncharted territory, look to the side – we have our first review for AUTUMN CHAOS from our ARC reader and I can’t be happier. We have a saying in Poland ( mostly untranslatable) but let me paraphrase it loosely that the writer needs review like withered flowers need water. Well, this one definitely made me blossom and reading it not only sweeten my waiting time for the publication date but also caused a small, happy meltdown. So there, for you to enjoy..

Only a month left…and a fridge magnets.

The jobs were done, and we decided to entertain ourselves a little at the local ComiCon in Truro. I was initially a bit hesitant as with only a month left to book release, I feel like I’m living in “under-time” with so many things to do and so little time to do it, but Mark was right and having a little break helped me gathered my thoughts.

For some reason, I gathered all Autumn Chaos promo fridge magnets before we went out. Don’t ask me why. My brain sometimes works in mysterious ways, but as we were browsing the stalls and local artists, I connected with local fantasy craftsmen and, well, we use fridge magnets as our business cards. 😁

Bizarre as it sounds, it seemed to work pretty well, albeit people were surprised getting such business card, and I couldn’t stop laughing when thinking about my opportunistic traits. I’m sure I could sell the ice cream in the Antarctic if I want it hard enough. Of course when I was working my butt off around the promo Mark, in the meantime, was drooling over the swords and armour. At the end I promised him that I would buy him something sharp and shiny once he finished editing the second book (nothing like a positive reinforcement as Mark is the main editor of our books).

Because that’s where we are now. Tomorrow I will get the final edit of Autumn Chaos from our editor and send it for formatting and, of course, to our awesome ARC readers. I admit I’m equally happy and terrified for this release. There is still so much to do in such a short period, mainly formatting, adverts and promos.

Oh, did I mention we are thinking of organising a £25 Amazon gift card contest or giveaway at the end of August? Is it a good idea?

We are relaxing today and making monkey videos from the ComiCon, and we are both also too tired to cook, so … sushi takeaway it is.  

Because internet is for porn…books 🤣(review)

Somehow when you write your own book, you don’t have much time for reading but following (yeah, I know!) Facebook advert, I started to read the book called A War God’s Favourite.

It was on one of the android apps, the one that operates on a pay-per-view reading scheme, but the first few chapters were free, and I decided to give it a go. If you read it and love this book, skip the next part because I’m about to dissect the plot and point out what genuinely amazes and amuses me as a writer.

The first two chapters were genius. I mean, I love smut books (blood, gore, sex and fantasy type), and it hit all the right chords with me. In my naivety, I got excited and paid for the following 30 chapters a hefty price of £6. OK, I didn’t actually pay because I had accumulated enough Google Play points to have off for free, but it would still be that much if I paid.

Big mistake…

As much as I think the first two chapters were a perfect example of how to hook the reader on the book, what followed was like an instant, unsweetened coffee after drinking the finest cappuccino.

(spoiler alert) After being almost eaten by the giant dragon main protagonist instantly falls in love with a prince (the Stockholm syndrome at its finest) who, in fact, raped her because she didn’t consent to sex, which she enjoyed profusely despite repeatedly saying no. Not to mention being a virgin, she instantly enjoyed the quite brutal sexual activities and falling in love with a man who barely exchanged two words with her for the first 4 chapters but managed to kill 4 people. Oh, not to mention, she immediately gets pregnant.

The plot holes kept piling up as being taken as a slave from her home village at the age of 7. She already knew the finest medicine tricks of her tribe and advanced healing, and in a very patriarchal society, she instantly got acknowledged as the best doctor in the empire. What else? The emperor acts like an idiot and suddenly, in a completely politically bonkers move, dissolves the entire slavery system the empire economy is based upon. And everybody loves our ‘Mary Sue’ just like in Twilight. You got the gist, but…

To not be only negative. The sex scenes were good, they gave me some ideas, and Mark said he would pay for a subscription just for that reason 🤣. Call me old fashion, but as much as I love good adult settings, having a sex scene in EVERY chapter (literary, on the stairs, in the greenery on the top of the dragon while flying) with no contribution to the plot became a bit boring, and before I even got to tenth chapter, and I started scrolling past it. Especially that author didn’t add new or kinky stuff to the play, only changed location, but it was, in essence, the same slightly adapted missionary position.

So the lesson for me as a writer is to learn how to write opening chapters so well, and the lesson for me as a reader is that not all good premises are worth paying a hefty price for the book that is, in essence, like porn with lots of bed action and very little sense in between.

We are famous, we are pretty, we are giving gifts 😂

Today we will give you some news from the writing front.

First, we are preparing our ARC giveaway. I’m so happy to say we have several people signed up for Advance Reader’s Copies. What you see in the picture are our little gifts of gratitude for those who decided to take their time and read the book.

We only need to sign it, address it and send it worldwide. And I mean, we really sending it all over the world, which is funny as hell because some addresses are almost surreal. I’m also scared and excited waiting for their review.

Around two weeks of the release date, we will be organising the giveaway promo contest with an Amazon gift card to win, so keep an eye on the tab here or sign up for our newsletter to not miss the occasion.

Second, our TikTok activity brought a fantastic book talker to us. Here you go, the author’s interview where we make a monkey of each other talking about Autumn Chaos. If you want to have a good giggle, watch the video.

Or Read it on The Table Reads

Yay! It’s Raining

The heat wave came and gone, and our crazy cat household was taught two major lessons.

First: no matter how much you love the other person, there is no cuddling during the heat wave. I don’t know what your significant other was like, but Mark was sizzling hot, and with his nordic blue-blonde physique touched by the sun, it was like cuddling pissed-off bright red lobster.

Second: I do not know how people in tropical countries withstand the heat and moisture at the same time, but I was unreasonably angry, and every minor thing set me off into the raging silence.

You may think raging silence is not bad, but when I do it, it’s terrifying. Mark says I radiated menace. I believe only cats like it and flop on the sun deck, absorbing UV light to their souls’ content.

So imagine a pissed-off lobster with a silently raging woman under the same roof. Safe to say, we welcomed thunderstorms as a blessing from the sky. Now it’s raining, and we can cuddle again.

Sunday snippet

Marcach of Liath

Autumn Chaos

Mar didn’t dare to move till he heard her breathing even out, and he was sure she drifted into a deep sleep. He rested his chin on her head, allowing himself to close his eyes and revisit the battle scene. Ina’s magic stunned him, not only by its strength but also by its remarkable beauty. He chuckled softly and was startled that it might have woken her up, but thankfully Ina was still sleeping.

Fire vipers, what else one could expect from such a spitfire of a woman? He gently stroked her back, careful to not touch the injured shoulder. Not once had he held his late wife like this, or any other woman, for that matter. And he knew he would do whatever it took not to make it the last time. He thought about Ren and his friend’s infatuation and rolled his eyes, muttering to himself.


“It looks like love at first wound with this one.”

Define your target audience

When you write a book, initially, you would only want to write a book you would love to read, but the more you dive into the craft and market, you realise you should at least try to cater to your target audience.

And here comes the problem: what is your target audience, how to define it and how do you know you are right? Frankly speaking, I don’t know, but I know how I imagine my ideal reader.

There is no gender preference. Our book can appeal to both men and women, and everybody defines themselves on their own terms. It will be likely a mature person, and when I think mature, I guess 25+ as our books have ZERO teenage, young adult angst. There is no daddy issue, no orphaned children, no “I’m trying to find out who I am” trope. Our protagonists are mature people who know when life throws shit under your feet, you just shrug and walk around it..

Our reader must love humour – nitty-gritty and inappropriate. The type of humour when you bring the barrel of whiskey to the funeral because you know your dead friend would find it absolutely hilarious.

We don’t shy away from occasional cussing because when a hammer drops on your foot, you will very unlikely say “oh dear me” and blush like a pansy.

And there is sex, not fade to black or holding hands in the moonlight. Just NO. It is our own preference. We like books to have mature themes, not straight away and always in relation to the plot, but when it is time for things to become spicy, it burns with passion, kinkiness … and humour. 😋

So our ideal reader is a mature down-to-earth person who loves to laugh, doesn’t take life too serious, knows that shit happens, and consenting adult people get handsy, and even fantasy witches have their problems with tangled hair.

Are you our target reader? Like or comment, so we know such a special unicorn of a book lover exists.

Autumn Chaos – Video trailer

I’m getting excited and nervous at the same time as August is coming, we will release ARC books to read for those who sign up, and of course, there will be blood tours and various promo materials. One of those is a video trailer I’ve made for the book and one I’ve bought from a professional trailer maker. I need your opinion to decide which one to use.

And a little promo: comment and sign up to our newsletter (http://eepurl.com/hZhWcT) and 5 best comments get a free book A Little Accident sent on 22/08/22 to the given email address in PDF/EPUB format.

Trailer 1


Trailer 2

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