Celebrating Movember with humor – Mark’s take on man’s health

Well, as a fairly active man I have a reasonably fit body and a little dad bod tummy that I’m sneakily proud of, yes this is a weird household, don’t ask. However these last few weeks that cute little paunch has been growing, and now I appear to be approximately six months pregnant, which would be a miracle given my age, and the fact that I’m a white middle aged man.

So off to the GP I toodle. For those that don’t know, Olga is a consultant in the NHS and during her working day often trains the junior doctors that are on rotation in her department. Rotation is the system all new doctors go through in order to learn about all the disciplines and determine where they want to work in the future.

You may be wondering why this is relevant and it wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for the fact that my new GP is or rather was, one of Olga’s protégés, from the hospital, a young lady that instantly recognised me, and, after going over my symptoms determined I needed a few tests. This included blood, stool, urine samples and, the ever embarrassing finger up the bum.

First thing I’ll say is I’m not easily embarrassed, and the second is that the poor doctor was professional and did everything according to the guidelines, neither of us looking at each other entirely in the eye. The guidelines however meant that we needed a chaperone, and as I said not easily embarrassed old git here. So my GP nips out and grabs another doctor to join us.

In walks the chaperone, this time its not just one of Olga’s female protégés, but one I know personally and that we’d actually socialised with. Queue the awkward hi how are you etc. Then me turning around, climbing on the trolley and exposing myself to a personal friend whilst the othe acquaintance rifled through my insides.

Needless to say the proceedings were wrapped up very quickly after that and now I await my results and am keeping my fingers crossed.